Your need for legitimacy follows the rule, and the part that refuses every rule it did not write pulls the opposite way, the two cornered ninety degrees apart and ground against each other. Saturn and Lilith sit square: the discipline that seeks the wall and the refusal you would not house-train crowd each other. You have paid for building a respectable form while the exiled part chewed at the foundation, for earning approval with one hand and breaking the mold with the other. The Black Moon is no asteroid in the rubble, it is the weight the structure is built to carry. That grinding carves a seriousness that owes nothing to the rulebook, a discipline shaped each time the untamed refusal would not be walled in.