You earned the rule fair and square, and now a part of you wants to break it precisely because you have mastered it. Saturn squares Uranus, the discipline that conserves jamming against the spark that overturns. Preserve, and boredom sets in. Break, and you smart at having betrayed what cost so much to build. For years you read as too strict, then as too rebellious, almost never at the right temperature for the room. What you ground out was the move of breaking from inside the craft instead of against it. Reform backed by authority is a different animal from rejection with nothing under it. What you carry now is a rebellion that knows the rules it bends, and bends only the ones gone stale.